RANDOM 1

As I sit down to write my 'Random' post my mind runs. ‘Write about shoes. Drugs. The danger of drugs? Too heavy? Ok, fashion.’ But I simply won’t avoid it; a sensitive subject, but one to be unpacked. One of my boyfriend’s best friends, Kat, recently passed away due to a drug overdose. With or without the task of writing a random post, this is where my mind has been stuck for the past week. I will do my best to make this post uplifting despite the reality of its content.

Kat is not the first person close to home that I have lost to drugs. On June 20^th, 2013 my childhood friend Stefan Wagner died due to a synthetic drug and drowning incident. In the early 2000's my cousin Andy was declared dead to a heroin overdose. Immediately I was in denial and not ready to mourn. After five minutes, by some miracle, he was revived. In this moment the tsunami of sadness that was rolling into me turned to anger. ‘I hope he wakes up to see the tears of his family’ I thought. He did.

I don’t mention this for pity or condolences. I mention them because as death to drugs has recurred in my life, I am so incredibly angry. I am angry at the system for its lack of understanding. Addiction is a disease and should be treated as such. I am angry that “The War on Drugs” was nothing more than a scheme to criminalize minorities. The more deaths due to drugs I read about or experience, the angrier I get. My loss of faith in the system is a result of its inability to save my friends, who truly are ‘good kids.’

 Going from Fresno to boarding school, I too was called a ‘bad kid’ or ‘druggie’ because I dressed and spoke a certain way. I thought trouble always found me and that what I was told. Now I have a greater understanding for how the school to prison pipeline functions. After my first offense at boarding school I was sent to Scared Straight, a program at the local jail where inmates, officers, and marines threaten, intimidate, and scream at you until you are ‘scared straight.’ This did nothing for me and was ineffective for my friends, who also happened to be at Scared Straight. I now know it is not a coincidence that I knew half the people in this program and I am so irate by the lack of action taken on these subjects.

I have mourned Stefan’s death and seen the pain it caused his two brothers and my best friend, his sister. I see the way Stefan’s death is represented in the media, which never fails to headline the fact that his had taken substances. I now mourn Kat’s death and watch my boyfriend, my best friend, take on this struggle. Perhaps despite popular belief, we are all good kids even if we make mistakes. For my friends who need it, I hope they can access the help that they need. I want them or anyone, to know that I am always here to talk and that there is a way to rise above all this pain. It is normal to be angry and there are ways to purge the anger. I hope they can turn their attention away from the media and the system and find their own outlets for healing.

*I did not do a very good job at keeping this uplifting, so my apologies.